Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
