totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
