My nipple is on Facebook.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Someone shattered a urinal.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
