You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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