he puts the penis in happiness.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He? As in you personified your dick?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
