i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
