She is in my trunk
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
