Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
