did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
