I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
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I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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