Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
