Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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