i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
