Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
