just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
