She announced her abortion via fbk
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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