I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
