You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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