Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
