Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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