Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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