he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
