PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I love having hate sex.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
