i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
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I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
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The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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