no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
