to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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