just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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