You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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