Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
