All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
