did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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