So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
