dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
