11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
