Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
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Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
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for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I supernannyed him into submission
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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