You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
