You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
