nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I think people are normalizing furries
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
