If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
