thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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