What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
This gyro tastes like lonliness
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
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