hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
