if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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