question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
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