why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
