I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
