I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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