not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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