The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
