Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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