so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
