you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
