he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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