I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
