I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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