She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Randomize
