I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
