I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
