Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
