im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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