this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
