my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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