Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
