Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
