So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
did i walk over a car last night?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
