Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I am available for nakedness
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
