Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
