Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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