We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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