the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
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Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
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our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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