Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
