wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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