I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
