Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
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