There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
