Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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