need another drink. this is the easiest way
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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