My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
