You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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