Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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