i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
